11/11/2022 0 Comments Yed talk anger women![]() “They shouldn’t have gotten in my way” makes an unreasonable demand that somehow other people should know where you’re going. #YED TALK ANGER WOMEN HOW TO#“Nobody knows how to drive anymore” overgeneralizes a specific situation into a universal truth. “They almost totaled my car” catastrophizes a scary situation into utter destruction. “They did that just so I’d have to stop” is a fallacy known as misattributing causation - you have no way of knowing what the person’s intentions were. What’s more, each of these maladaptive reactions contains a fallacy about reality, mistaken beliefs that are so universal they even have names in cognitive behavioral psychology. The last reaction is considered by Martin to be “adaptive,” meaning it is more likely to calm you down, while the first five are considered “maladaptive.” Those tend to make you even more angry about the situation, which could end up driving you to react in a way that you later regret. “They did that just so I’d have to stop.”.Take this rage-inducing situation: “You are driving through a residential area when someone backs their car out of a driveway and nearly hits you.” Angry thoughts are surprisingly universal, and they tend to repeat themselves, according to Martin. Recognizing whether we have unhelpful angry thoughts and understanding our particular type of angry thoughts allows us to be more conscious and alert for the knee-jerk reactions that could be hurting us.Īlthough we tend to think our emotions and thoughts are unique, they’re not. The ACS helps users identify which of six standard thoughts they’re most likely to have when they’re angry. To take it, a user reads a set of nine blood-boiling scenarios and rates how likely they are to have each of six possible reactions. The final product is called the Angry Cognitions Scale (ACS). Martin and Dahlen honed the questionnaire through pilot studies, discarding situations that weren’t infuriating enough and thoughts that participants couldn’t relate to. Then, based on the theoretical work of cognitive behavioral therapy experts such as Aaron Beck and Jerry Deffenbacher, they scripted thoughts that people were most likely to have in response to the scenarios. From this data, they devised various hypothetical scenarios that result in angry feelings, like having someone cut in front of you in line at the grocery store. “We wanted it to be as realistic as possible,” he says. He and his advisor Eric Dahlen began by conducting surveys that asked people to tell them about the last thing that made them angry. So Martin decided to dig into the thoughts behind anger and find out: What are the angry thoughts that drive people to act out? Could some be more damaging than others? And he set out to develop a scale for measuring and characterizing these thoughts. That’s why strategies like cognitive behavioral therapy, which teach people healthier thought patterns, can be so successful. While a blast of rage may inform us of a threat - even if it’s just to our reputation - it’s the thoughts we have following it which determine how we respond. Managing your anger, it turns out, is all about managing your thoughts. By the time he was doing his PhD in counseling psychology, he knew that he wanted to help people handle this essential emotion. “Especially the males in my family, who had a short fuse.” As a child, he cringed as his father snapped at waiters in restaurants later, when he volunteered at a shelter for at-risk youth in college, he saw teens who’d gotten into trouble because they couldn’t control their anger. “There was sort of a running joke in my family about the ‘Martin temper’,” he recalls. “It’s our fight or flight response, kicking in to energize us to confront injustice,” he explains.Īnger only becomes a problem when we can’t manage it - and it manages us instead. From an evolutionary perspective, it plays an important role in our survival, Martin says: “It helps alert us to the fact that we’ve been wronged.” When your heart starts to pound and your face gets hot, that’s anger increasing your blood flow in preparation for a showdown. Turns out, the thoughts that we have in response to the first flare of anger are what can send us over the edge - or help us harness the emotion for good, Martin says.ĭespite the trouble that it can cause, anger is not actually bad for us. Ryan Martin, psychology professor at the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay, has spent his career doing just that. The last time you got peeved, ticked or just plain enraged, did you stop and listen to what your mind was telling you? ![]()
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